MY LAST ELSE

WE DON’T USE DIARIES ANYMORE

THOSE ARE MEANT FOR SECRETS

AND WE HAVE NONE.

.

instead,

we let them spill out our bodies

and pour onto blank white sheets.

we swear,

ITS THE ONLY WAY TO HEAL.

.

we turn our pain into poetry.

something that hurts this much

has to mean SOMETHING.

.

and even though we are desperate

for anyone to listen

our love language is written in letters

we will NEVER SEND

.

we romanticize the pain

like it’s the ONLY lover we’ll ever know.

.

love is our god and we each our own devils

.

too fragile for this world,

ceremoniously destroying ourselves

BEFORE ANYONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR US.

.

YET,

we still can’t seem to understand why we’re so broken.

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ode to us

6/17/15

i’ve always thought the starts shined brighter

when we were watching them.

it was our last night together

so we spent it outside,

in a tent full of 11 boy-crazed and awkward-phased middle school girls.

under the summer sky,

the starts fell that night.

this was an ode to us

because it was the end of an era.

3:42 am

IF YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOU

IT PROBABLY IS.

it’s 3:42 am and i can’t sleep.

maybe it’s because of my test tomorrow?

maybe it’s the stress of college?

maybe it’s the flow of emotions constantly running though my mind?

maybe it’s the excitement of a new day?

maybe it’s the nonstop netflix i just can’t seem to turn off?

maybe it’s you?

no, its you.

it’s definitely you.

YOU.

YOU KEPT ME UP EVERY DAMN NIGHT AND YOU KNOW YOU DID.

YOU LIKED THE ATTENTION.

NO, NOT LIKED

YOU LOVED THE ATTENTION.

YOU LOVED HURTING ME.

YOU LOVED THE WAY IT FELT TO LEAD ME ON DAY AFTER DAY, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, TIME AFTER TIME.

but slowly the time ran out

and before you knew it

it was 3:43 am,

and i had moved on.

the recipe of the heart

“you are allowed

put whatever you want

into your heart

.

.

put patience,

if you want

your heart to know

how to calmly wait 

for the next rainbow

.

.

put tenderness,

if you want 

your heart to know

how to care for its rose

and soften its thorns

.

.

put independence,

if you want

your heart to know

how to be whole

on its own”

~unknown